Positive
by FeelMyBones
Summary: As far as Edward Cullen is concerned, any chance that he had at a love life ended 3 years ago. That was until a runaway squirrel and an energetic dog brought him face to face with Bella Swan. AU, AH, OOC. Full summary inside...
1. Chapter 1

As far as Edward Cullen is concerned, any chance that he had at a love life ended 3 years ago. That was until a runaway squirrel and an energetic dog brought him face to face with Bella Swan. Their connection is undeniable, but he has a secret that could drive her away.

**A/N:** So this idea came to me a couple of weeks ago, and I thought that it deserved to be written. It's AH, AU, and pretty OOC, and very different from things that I've written in the past. I have to give a huge thanks to my beta, Navaehell. I'm pretty fucking hopeless with semicolons.

This is rated M for strong language, crude humor, and future lemons.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Twilight or any of the characters represented in this fic, no matter how much I wish that I did. I also don't own the song 15 Steps by Radiohead, but I do jam out to it on a regular basis.

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Chapter 1

_Lips met lips. Skin touched skin. If that wasn't perfection, I decided that nothing really was._

_I moved a pale hand between her creamy thighs, eliciting a gasp from the vixen's mouth. A devilish smirk spread across my face as I slowly and torturously slid a skilled finger past her smooth folds and inside of her warmth. She bucked her hips immediately, and my grin widened at how she unashamedly did so with no abandon whatsoever. _

"_So fucking sexy," I thought to myself and slipped another of my pale fingers into her. The moan that ripped through her lips was enough to make my soul tingle with satisfaction, knowing that I was making her feel so good. I couldn't wait to bury myself so deeply inside of her that neither of us would be able to tell where one body ended and the other began._

_**Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.**_

_Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me_. Of course my alarm clock had to go off as soon as I was about to dive into the woman with no intentions of ever coming out. It was the ultimate cock block.

_**Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. **_

I groaned loudly as it kept going off. Most people would simply reach over and turn it off or hit the snooze button; however I pulled my pillow over my head and tried to drown out its screams. Screaming was the only way that I'd come up with to describe the sound that my alarm clock made. It wasn't a beep or a buzz. No, it was more like someone walking up behind you while you were sleeping and screaming something along the lines of, "get the fuck out of bed you lazy ass!" as loud as they possibly could. Sometimes I think I would have preferred that. At least then I would have the option of punching them in the face…or stabbing them. You couldn't stab an alarm clock without looking like a loony. Plus it would probably be much less satisfying, not to mention downright embarrassing when you would have to go and buy yourself another one.

_**Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.**_

"Oh fuck you," I said groggily, flailing my arm over the side of my bed and hitting the snooze button with the side of my hand.

_Insulting electronics. That's really great, Edward. What's next? Asking them out for coffee?_

I ignored that obnoxious little voice in my head and instead, buried my face in my pillow to get my approximately 8 and a half more minutes of sleep.

_**Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.**_

I felt something warm and wet slide over my cheek, and I slowly opened my eyes to find my gray and white Husky perched on my bed, licking my face like it was going out of style. With a groan I nudged him away from me and turned my back towards him. He was a persistent bastard though, and I felt that same warm, wet thing sliding over my cheek.

"Alright, alright!" I groaned and pushed his face away from me. "I'll get up." I grumbled and sat up in my bed, realizing, to my dismay, that, that was the most tongue action I'd received in years. I immediately made a mental note to never, under any circumstances, express that out loud. I would never fucking hear the end of it.

I ran a hand over my face before looking over at the fluffy bastard in time to see him hop lithely off of my bed and trot his triumphant little ass out of the room. Prick.

Running a hand through my unruly, bronze hair, I turned towards my alarm clock that was still going off like the fucking building was going to burn down, and switched it off. That so was not 8 and a half minutes.

The neon red numbers glowed at me diabolically. There was nothing good at 4:39 in the morning, not one single thing. Unless of course you were still up from the night before and you happened to be rocking the world of some gorgeous girl. The only sort of action I ever got was in my sleep though, and the girl never actually had a face, and I never actually got to have sex with her. Sure, I got to touch her and finger her. I even went down on her once, but did I get so much as a stroke? No. She always got to have all of the fun. Even my subconscious was set on keeping my self-inflicted celibacy in tact. I'm sure Freud would have a field day with my cock-blocking subconscious.

_It's not exactly self-inflicted, Edward._

And there goes that voice in my head again. No matter how many times I tell it to shut the fuck up and die, it never does.

I heard the soft padding of feet against my wooden floors and my gaze drifted to the door of my bedroom. My furry ball of a dog was standing there with his leash hanging out of his mouth. He was always so eager for our 5 a.m. runs. It was disgusting.

"Fuck you." I glared and threw a pillow at his fluffy little head, missing, of course. That was how my life worked. The smug bastard waltzed over to my bed, dropped the leash the floor, and walked back out. Aren't dogs supposed to be loyal and obedient?

I heard Hamlet give me a commanding bark from the hallway outside of my room and I groaned.

_Your dog owns you._

This time, I couldn't disagree.

Unwillingly, I pushed myself out of bed and stretched my arms out. Then, I looked down at the tent in my pajama pants and sighed. Oh, the joys of morning wood.

I felt sorry for him (yes, I did just refer to my penis as though it is a separate entity). He'd been subjected to the exclusive company of my right hand for longer than I'd like to mention. "You'd better get used to it," I muttered.

_Really? You just spoke to your cock?_

"Yeah, get over it," I snapped. Great. I talk to alarm clocks, my dog, my genitals, and now that annoying little bastard who lives in my head. No wonder I can't get any action.

_That's not the real reason, and you know it._

Okay, so I had to give the bastard that. I've never been the kind of guy to just hook up with girls. Call me old fashioned, but I'm convinced that two people shouldn't have sex unless they're in a committed relationship and they know that their attraction goes beyond being just physical. Because of that, I've only been with one woman; the only girlfriend that I've ever had.

Well, there's that, and there's also the fact that I permanently removed myself from the market about three years ago. I'm sure that the female population of Seattle was, and still is, utterly devastated.

_Right._

With a sigh, I walked into the bathroom that was connected to my bedroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror over the sink. My hair was sticking out in every direction possible, and I knew that it was secretly planning a hostile takeover of my head, and then eventually, the world. No matter what length it was or how much hair product I put in it, my hair did whatever the hell it wanted to. I'd learned to accept that fate long ago, and it wasn't like I was ever trying to impress anyone with my dashing good looks.

To add to my utterly fantastic morning look, stubble had made residence on my face and was in the process of spreading along my cheeks and down my neck like the plague. My hair was becoming an epidemic, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before those guys from the government showed up in their radioactive suits and put me into some sort of containment cell or something.

_If they only knew what sort of epidemic you could be spreading._

That was the moment when I decided that an intense Google search was in order. Surely there had to be a procedure in which a person could have an obnoxious and just down right cruel voice removed from their brain. I would have asked my doctor of a father, but I really did not need him thinking that I'd finally lost my mind and gone all schizophrenic or something. I was well aware of the fact that the voice was, in fact, my own, and that it cut through all of the bullshit that I tried deluding myself with on a regular basis. It was better than dealing with reality by far.

I reached out, pulling the medicine cabinet, and just like that, I was faced with reality in the form of prescription bottles. That was always my least favorite part of the morning. I couldn't stand seeing the way that my name was printed across them. I knew it was weird and completely fucking ridiculous, but something about the way it looked made me cringe. I don't even know why I felt that way. I'd accepted my fate long ago, and I had an overall positive attitude about all of it, but there was just something about those fucking pill bottles.

With a sigh, I reached out and grabbed all 562 bottles before setting them down on the counter. I filled the cup that I kept on my sink for such occasions up with water and started the arduous task of taking my daily medication. When I was finished, I put each bottle back in its place and adjusted them all so that they were perfectly lined up with the labels facing forward. Yes, I was slightly OCD.

After my daily arsenal of medication was successfully ingested and the bottles organized, I splashed water over my face, brushed my teeth, and attempted to smooth down my hair to the best of my ability. After that, I padded back into my room and quickly rid myself of my pajama pants, replacing them with athletic shorts and a white t-shirt. Then, my search for socks began.

For some people, finding a pair of socks is as easy as reaching into a drawer and pulling a pair out, but that wasn't the case for me. It didn't matter how many pairs of socks I bought or where I kept them. After one wash, most of them would disappear inexplicably. I reached into my very unorganized sock drawer and considered my options. Deciding that it really didn't matter, I reached in and grabbed the first two socks that I could get my hands on and slipped them on my feet. One was white, but the other one was bright green. How I became the owner of a bright green sock, I didn't know, but I decided not to dwell on my sock problem much longer. Some day I would have to go on an excursion to find that black hole that seemed to consume all of my socks.

_Maybe Hamlet has a sock fetish._

I groaned. It would only be a matter of minutes before Hamlet came trotting back in and dragged me outside to start our jog, and being dragged by a dog was a very degrading sort of experience.

Deciding to face the inevitable, I grabbed Hamlet's discarded leash and walked out of my bedroom and through the hall of my lonely apartment. Hamlet was waiting anxiously by the door and I rolled my eyes at him. I never understood why he got so happy about running down the same streets every single day and seeing the same, monotonous scenery. Sure, I did it every day too, but it was more out of necessity, not enjoyment.

Hamlet let out a loud, high-pitched bark that made me wince. That dog could be so fucking annoying sometimes, and it was pathetic that he was my only company most of the time.

"Calm your ass, I'm coming," I grumbled and went to retrieve my iPod from its place on the coffee table in my living room.

I quickly strapped the apparatus to my arm and was thankful to have such a handy contraption. There was a point in time when I was completely oblivious to such inventions, and I just held my iPod in my free hand as I jogged. On one unfortunate morning, my arm shot forward a bit too quickly as I ran, and my iPod flew out of my hand and landed in the street, only to be run over by a truck. May it rest in peace… well, pieces.

Needless to say, I was distraught over the loss of my precious iPod until my little sister showed me the light. God bless her. Now, I ran through the streets of Seattle with my iPod sitting securely in its holder on my arm. It really was a beautiful thing.

I attached the iPod to my arm and shoved the ear buds into my ears before I walked over to where my running sneakers were sitting haphazardly next to my front door. I bent over to put them on, and when I stood up straight again, Hamlet was standing behind me, wagging his fluffy mess of a tail around expectantly. I rolled my eyes at him and hooked the leash that I'd been holding onto his collar.

He bounced around excitedly in front of the front door, and it reminded me of what my sister Alice looked like before a shopping trip. In many ways, Hamlet and my sister were a lot alike. They were both demanding and far too energetic, and I loved them both dearly. Yes, it sounds sappy as hell, but my life has been pretty shitty in the last few years, and Alice was the most supportive member of my family. She was only a year younger than me, and we'd always been close growing up. She understood me in a way that my parents and brother never would be able to.

As for Hamlet…well, dogs are man's best friends, right?

Another bark from Hamlet snapped me out of my thoughts, and I chuckled lightly.

"Alright, let's go." I patted his head and opened the door to my apartment. Once we were outside, I reached over to the iPod on my arm and hit play.

"_How come I end up where I started?_

_How come I end up where I went wrong?_

_Won't take my eyes off the ball again_

_You reel me out then you cut the string"_

Ah, the sweet sounds of Radiohead.

Our run started out as it always did. It was late spring in Seattle, and it was one of the rare days that I didn't have to jog in the rain. The sun was slowly making its daily ascent, and as I continued running down the not so crowded streets, it warmed my skin.

Like every other day, we ran through the park that wasn't too far from my apartment building. It was always a very welcoming environment, and always pretty secluded at the early hour of 5 am. I let Radiohead drive my feet forward and found myself getting lost in the beats of the music and the light breeze blowing through my tousled hair.

Everything was peaceful…too peaceful.

It was then that I felt a sudden tug at the leash in my right hand, sending me stumbling forward. My eyes darted down to the frantic dog that was practically dragging me forward and then shot up to the wayward squirrel that he was after.

_Fuck my life._

"Hamlet, stop!" I said frantically and tried pulling back on his leash to no avail.

The smart thing to do would have been to let go of his leash and let him chase the squirrel for a little while. He would come back to me without a doubt, but did I do the smart thing? No, of course not.

I was too caught up in trying to rein my fucking insane dog in that I didn't even notice the woman who was walking down the sidewalk, completely unaware of the catastrophe that was going on around her.

I let out a loud "oof!" as my body collided with something, sending me toppling gracelessly to the ground.

The leash slipped from my hands sometime during my fall, and my headphones were sprawled out on the cement next to me. With a groan, I pushed my body off of the ground until I was in a sitting position, and that was when the world stopped.

Standing in front of me was the most beautiful woman I'd ever had the privilege of laying my green eyes on. Her long, brown hair fell over her shoulders in soft waves that perfectly framed her heart shaped face. Her skin was the loveliest shade of ivory and it looked so soft and smooth that I was tempted to reach out and touch it. Her soft, pink lips were moving, but I couldn't hear any sound. My eyes raked over her face, taking in all of her stunning features, and my breath caught in my throat when they landed on her eyes. They were like the deepest pools of chocolate, and I was slowly drowning in them.

_Shit._

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_**Reviews are like crack so...leave them.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter and put my story on your alert list. It's good to know that people are reading and enjoying this, even if the number is low. Thanks to my beta, Navaehell, for putting up with my obnoxious ass and correcting my mistakes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, nor do I own Hamlet. I do own a BlackBerry Storm that makes fun noises when I get email notifications about reviews *hint hint*

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I don't know how it happened, but I found myself standing upright in front of that beautiful creature. I must have been staring at her like an idiot because she was looking at me with furrowed brows as her lips moved soundlessly.

_Get a hold of yourself, Edward._

I managed to snap out of my daze and what had just transpired registered in my mind. My eyes widened when I realized that I'd just ran this beautiful woman down. "I am _so_ sorry about that. My dog just completely lost it and decided to drag me with him while he chased a squirrel." I apologized profusely, and her reaction nearly sent me into cardiac arrest.

She smiled.

She fucking smiled and I swear that the heavens opened up and I heard angels singing or something. Halle-fucking-lujah.

_Oh for the love of god._

"It's fine. You're the one who really got the short end of the stick anyways." She pointed to the concrete that I'd been sprawled out on, and I had to suppress the urge to groan.

I wasn't a clumsy sort of person in the least bit, but of course I would turn into a complete buffoon on the day that I happened to meet this girl. I turned my eyes upward for a brief moment and decided that someone up there had to have some sort of personal vendetta against me.

"It wasn't so bad," I replied lamely, and my body screamed at me for denying the pain that it was in. I would definitely have bruises later.

"It looks like your dog didn't have much luck either," she noted, and I reluctantly pulled my eyes away from her to see what she was referring to.

Hamlet was standing at the bottom of a nearby tree, and he was barking uselessly up at the squirrel.

"He has yet to figure out that his pursuits are in vain," I muttered, shaking my head at my idiot of a dog. "Come here, Hamlet!" I called to him and patted my knees to get his attention.

"Hamlet?"

I looked back over at her and she looked amused as hell by my dog's name. Her right eyebrow was raised and she was smirking. It was so fucking sexy.

"He's no brooding prince of Denmark, but it was the first book that I saw," I explained and she looked at me like I'd just grown another head or something.

The world was not ready for two heads of this hair.

I chuckled and ran a hand through my hair. It was a nervous habit. "When I got him, I had a hard time picking a name, so I turned to my bookshelf and decided that his name would come from the first book that I saw. Ophelia didn't quite fit, so I went with Hamlet."

_You are such a nerd._

"Hmmm." Her glorious eyes narrowed ever so slightly and she studied me in a way that made me self-conscious as fuck. It was the most nerve wracking 2 seconds of my life.

"What would the spine of your book say?" she finally asked and bit down on her bottom lip.

Fucking Christ. She was sexy, and she was flirting with _me. _At least, I think she was flirting with me…

_Don't jizz in your damn pants, Edward._

I flashed her a half grin and had to force myself not to focus on the way that she was biting her fucking lip.

"Edward, and yours?" I tried to make my voice sound even, but I was on the verge of having a fucking heart attack.

She flashed me another one of those fucking smiles. "Bella."

_Bella. Beautiful._

It was fitting. Even the bastard in my head had to agree.

"It's nice to meet you, Bella," was the only thing that I could make myself say.

"It's nice to meet you too, Edward." She smiled, and my knees nearly gave out.

_Since when are you such a girl?_

It had been a long time since I'd been so fucking attracted to a woman, and it was rare for me to say anything to one besides "please", "thank you", or "have a nice day". I didn't know what to say, nor did I know what to do. Should I ask her out for coffee to apologize for fucking tackling her in the middle of the park? Should I ask for her number?

I opened my mouth to say something. What it was, I didn't know, but I was soon interrupted by something nuzzling my leg. Hamlet. I didn't know if I should be mad at him for interrupting me or thankful that he had. God only knows what sort of fuckery would have come out of my mouth.

I momentarily forgot who the fuck I was when I considered asking her out. There was no fucking way that I could do something like that. Not only had I sworn off the very slim possibility of finding someone to fall in love with or whatever, but Bella was so fucking out of my league that it wasn't even funny.

I was just some fucked up, reclusive guy with terrible hair, and she was beyond gorgeous. It would just be _wrong_ for her to be remotely interested in someone like me.

Plus, I'd known her for all of two minutes.

I ran my hand through my disastrous hair and watched her kneel down in front of me. I had to fucking bite my lip to keep myself from groaning at all of the thoughts that her position ignited. She looked good on her knees. God, I was such a pig, but I couldn't fucking help it.

She reached forward to pet Hamlet, and my breath caught in my throat when her knuckles just barely brushed over the bare skin of my calf. It was like I'd just been shocked with one million of the most delicious volts of electricity. My skin literally tingled from her simple touch, and I wondered if she felt it too.

God, I hoped so.

Her lips moved soundlessly again as she pet Hamlet, and my fingers twitched, wanting to reach out and run them through that hair of hers. It looked soft. I was so lost in this girl that it was absolutely terrifying.

I didn't know how long she stayed in that position, petting my dog, while I was completely enchanted by everything about her, but all too soon she was standing up to her feet again. I knew that my time with this fucking beautiful girl was coming to an end soon, and just the thought of that made my chest tighten. Why didn't I want to be away from her? I didn't even know her.

"So…" I cleared my throat.

"So…" She bit her bottom lip and looked at me like she was…expecting something? What could she possibly expect from me?

"So what are you doing out here so early?"

As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to crawl into the deepest, darkest hole that I could find and never come out. What the fuck kind of question was that? The girl was probably going to think that I had stalker-like tendencies. I didn't need her thinking that I was some kind of creeper.

"Oh, well I'm moving into my new apartment not very far from here, but the office doesn't open for a few more hours." She shrugged one of her shoulders. "I thought that I would find a bench and read until then." She held up the book in her hand that I hadn't even noticed until she was waving it at me.

"I was jogging." I had to suppress the groan that wanted to escape my lips after I'd stupidly blurted out the obvious.

_She didn't ask you what you were doing, idiot._

"Hence the jogging gear." She chuckled, and her chocolate eyes danced with amusement.

I couldn't stop the idiotic smile that spread across my face. She was beautiful _and_ sarcastic. I had the sudden urge to take her home to meet my mother.

_Because that's really not weird at all._

If there was a way for me to wrap my arms around his scrawny, little neck and squeeze the life of his fucking annoying self, I was definitely going to figure out how to do it. I don't fucking care if I have to trek barefoot through the Himalayas or some shit. It would be _so_ worth it.

"Yeah, hence the jogging gear."

That was the point where I decided that I'd better get the hell out of Dodge before I managed to look more like some socially inept fool. I mean really. I should have been able to hold a conversation with the woman instead of standing there and verbally regurgitating all over her.

_That's a lovely visual. _

I ran a nervous hand through my hair, and I swear I heard it growl. Seriously, my hair could take anyone in a fight. It sounds crazy, but it's fucking true. Just ask my sister. She almost lost a finger to this beast in high school.

I almost snickered at the memory of Alice trying to style my hair for prom, and my thoughts immediately jumped to what it would feel like to have Bella's fingers running through my bronze locks. Mmm.

I blinked when something snapped in my face and smiled sheepishly when I realized that the snapping sound came from Bella's fingers. That's what happens when I let my mind wander. Why was I even still standing there anyways? Hadn't I decided to make a run for it?

Oh, right. I was thinking about Bella's fingers running through my hair. Mmm.

"Earth to Edward."

Her voice brought me back out of my very pleasant and very unrealistic daydreams, and I attempted to chuckle. It sounded more like someone was strangling a cat in my throat. Awesome. This girl _totally_ doesn't think I'm weird at all.

_Right._

"Sorry…I uh, spaced out for a second." I smiled sheepishly at her and her answering smile left me dazzled. Fuck me.

"It's okay. I'll let you get back to your jogging." She adjusted the strap of a bag over her shoulder. When the fuck did that bag get there?

I just stared at her dumbly, still trying to recover from the dazzling, and she just blinked a few times and bit down on her bottom lip. Hot damn.

"Well it was nice meeting you, Edward." She held out her small hand, and my eyes flew down to look at it. Why was she holding her hand out to me?

_She wants you to shake it, fucktard._

Ooooh. Right, of course she does. I cleared my throat softly and took her small hand in mine. Oh fuck me. I felt a small shock when she brushed her knuckles against my leg, but this felt like I'd just stuck a fork in an electrical outlet. Fuck me a lot.

My eyes went wide, and my mouth fell open so wide that a small bird could have easily flown in and built a nest. God, I hoped she could feel that too, or I was really going to have to feel like an idiot.

_You don't already feel like an idiot?_

Okay, even if it was a low blow, it was true. Not only did I feel like a total idiot, I was starting to believe that I was one. I couldn't even have a moderately normal, non-awkward conversation with a woman who happened to be kind of, a little bit attractive.

Oh, who the fuck am I trying to kid? She's the most beautiful girl alive. No joke. That shit's legit.

I don't know how long I stood there, staring at her like a complete tool, but it was definitely long enough to make her feel awkward as hell. The next thing I knew, I wasn't staring at her gorgeous face anymore. Instead, I was watching the way that her ass fit in her jeans and how her hips swayed from side to side as she walked. I was too hypnotized by the swinging of her glorious hips – seriously, what's his face higher power up in the sky was having a good fucking day when he made this woman- to realize that she was walking away from me.

_Way to chase her away._

The harsh reality that I would probably never see this woman again hit me in the face like the hardest bitch slap ever, and I whimpered a little bit. Yes, whimpered. Some people, namely my older brother, would call me a pussy, despite the fact that I've informed him that I prefer to be called sensitive. You can only imagine the ridicule that I experienced when that shit went down. He didn't really enjoy the itching powder in his underwear the next morning, but I wasn't going to let that shit slide. I didn't particularly enjoy it when said itching powder somehow ended up in my own boxers, and I especially did not enjoy the atomic wedgie of '99.

I cringed at the memory and was brought back to the present, and to the girl who was walking away from me. I was surprised to see that she wasn't running away from me. She probably thought that I was some sort of psychopath who was on the verge of dragging her off to my lair and chopping her up into pieces.

I let out a dejected sigh and looked down at my dog who was sniffing some shit…literally. Yeah, it was definitely time to go.

Allowing myself one last glance at Bella's retreating form, I let my mind conjure up all of the unrealistic possibilities. She could be the one for me, and she could accept me for who I am. My disease wouldn't bother her, and we could live out the duration of our lives in utter bliss.

Yeah, right.

It was a nice thought, but none of that shit was ever going to happen. I didn't even know this girl, and I wasn't going to see her again.

With a sigh, I bent down and picked up Hamlet's discarded leash and we jogged back the way that we came, away from the beautiful girl that would no doubt be haunting my dreams for a while.

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**People who review can have awkward conversations with Edward.**


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